CRICKET AND CELLPHONES

Date:-November 5th 2009
Place:- Sweet Home
Event:- India Vs Australa, 5th ODI at Hyderabad

I guess there comes a time in every person’s life when he/she is faced with one of the most demanding prospects of multitasking while watching the great Sachin Tendulkar bat. Unfortunately, that moment of truth had come for me. Among the many values and principles which I strongly follow, the one which I follow religiously is “ Multitasking while watching Sachin bat is a sin . Not missing even a single ball while Sachin is at the crease is a virtue which eventually would lead to moksha/spiritual freedom". But thanks to technology and cell phones, we are now mixing sin with virtue.

Scene 1:- India chasing a mammoth total of 350 set by Australia, are fighting back through Sachin Tendulkar. The great man is making it look so ridiculously easy that the game is now, Australia Vs Sachin Tendulkar. Let me use no more superlatives to describe Sachin’s innings because I am incapable to do justice with words and would be belittling the man’s batsmanship. You had to see it to believe it and if you dint, big loss man..BIG BIG LOSS!.

Scene 2:- I am nervously fiddling with my cellphone while watching Sachin bat. I usually keep my mobile at a safe distance but I guess, destiny had its way today. So to my horror, I accidentally pick up a call from a friend at half ring ! No way out..I say “Hello” to which she replies “ Hey..I dint know you were so desperately waiting to hear my voice..U dint allow the phone to ring even once!

Me:- err..hmm…err…look, can I give you a call back ..I am watching cricket (Yeah..on hindsight, “I am watching porn”, would have been a far more effective excuse)

Friend:- No, you cannot..its important and don’t cut the call ..I wont call you again…its very important( Though that was an open invitation/encouragement to cut the call, I exercised restraint and decided that I would get out of this call soon..)

Friend:- What do you think I should do? Should I go tell the boss that I want to be in a different team ?

Me :- (Sachin just danced down the wicket to hit Nathan Hauritz for a huge six !) OK..tell the boss ..(Controlling my excitement by furiously taking long breaths )

Friend:- But won’t he ask me why?

Me:- Ok..

Friend:- Ok? ..Ok?..What Ok?

Me:- err..hmm..be in a different team ..be happy and u know…let there be peace and tranquility in Asia

Friend: Che!..I am asking what would my present team think ? wont they feel I am showing attitude..? Also, Since I was in a different process before, wouldn’t adapting myself to the new process be far more difficult? What do you think? Do you think my boss would understand what I’m trying to tell him?

Me; hmm..hmmm..yeah he would..I mean ..they would ..everybody loves peace and tranquility you know ..

My head was spinning..Sachin just danced down again to hit Nathan Hauritz for another six! The telephone conversation painfully reminded me of my 10th std viva voice exam

Questioner : Why is the emf of auxillary battery greater than the emf to be measured?

Me:- err..hmm..errr..(faking the “Oh I knew it..just not remembering it now look on my face)..hmm..batteryyy..

Questioner : Why is the emf of auxillary battery greater than the emf to be measured?

Me: Zeeman effect? Electrostatic law?

Questioner:- No..and he proceeded to write down something on his paper with a look of disbelief on his face

Me:- ( Trying desperately)..Newtons apple? Theory of relativity?..

Coming back to my friend..She did not seem quite impressed with my answers either..
Friend:- ( Getting progressively irritated) ..Rohit, you are not listening..what do you think they would say?

Ok.just then , MS Dhoni, is brilliantly caught out at point, by Adam Voges and is walking balk to the pavilion. That was it! I couldn’t control my agony and despair..

Me:- Ok..ok( breathing furiously) look..go tell your team mates in your present team that they Suck Big Time! And then, immediately run down to your boss and tell him that he sucks as well..and that you don’t want to work in a team full of suckers and that you want to be in a different team. This would be the best method to communicate as you would be leaving no scope for confusion and misunderstanding.

There was silence from the other end of the phone and then heard the click sound of the call getting disconnected.

P.S:- Please don’t blame me for this episode, Blame MS Dhoni for getting out at the wrong time!

P.P.S:- Don’t fiddle with your cellphone while watching the match, fiddle with somebody else’s

P.P.P.S:-There is a good possibility of close to 80% hanging up if you say that you are watching porn, but there is always another 20% who might ask “Which one?”

P.P.P.P.S:- Nothing related to the post. Way back, when Sidhu was commentating, it so happened that Sachin hit a six and he said “All that comes from a cow is not milk”. For the life of me I couldn’t understand what it meant and how was it related w.r.t context. If there are any enlightened souls who know the answer, please feel free to let me know.