Smoking

Before I type anything else, Let me state that through this post I am in no way encouraging anybody to smoke nor indulge in any kind of drug addiction. These are extremely harmful and dangerous to the human body. Ok ..let the crap begin..

I had always wanted to quit smoking (Ok not always , but at least now I do) but for various reasons couldn’t really get myself to do it. “Da you are killing youself", “dude, your days are numbered”,”you are smoking cancer in to your lungs” are some of the kind words that I usually get to hear from my colleagues and friends. In the middle of a very interesting conversation today, a friend of mine just asked me “why do you smoke da?”. That was quite unexpected to say the least. Why do people ask such questions which requires me to think a lot to make up an answer? Quite frankly I did not know the answer and told him “give me some time , let me think “. While in doing so, I lit up a ciggy and immediately it dawned on me that I smoke to think !!! Eureka ! that’s it. Well, to be honest, smoke breaks give a much needed time out to reflect, to reflect on the days happenings, to reflect on absolutely anything. Well, any sane person can argue that you can reflect on a days happenings without a cigarette, but for me it seems, to do that, I need an external force.

Pscycologists say smoking and alleged reflection is just an escape from reality that our reasoning uses, as well as drinking and is a sign of degradation.

I don’t like Pscyologists any more !

WHAT'S IN A NAME

What’s in a name you ask ? Well, If you get the name right, you get a gold ring worth 15grams! I was going through one of the news websites last day, when I came across an article there. In an attempt to promote Tamil language and culture, Tamil nadu government has started a scheme under which babies born in the city corporation hospitals would be given a gold ring if they are given authentic tamil names.This is also like an add-on to commemorate the birthday celebrations of M. Karunanidhi. I also believe that they have also set up a committee of Tamil professors to verify the authenticity of names before giving away the gold rings.

Fine gesture indeed as far as the gold rings are concerned since they are being given to parents using the corporation hospitals. Money going to people who actually need it and at the right time.Now Authentic Tamil names,I can think of a few when it comes to Hindu names but are there any authentic Christian names(Tamil, that is ).?

Well, I am all for being proud about our country, our state, our language and our culture.Having said that, there is also a very thin line that demarcates promoting a language/culture and maybe, overdoing it resulting in accusations of language chauvinism. I guess, more than promoting a language or a culture, more relevance should be given to being open and tolerant to all languages and cultures. This, is in no way, am I Suggesting that anybody who promotes their language/culture are not open/tolerant to other cultures. But somewhere down the line we get closed out, we fail to interact enough with people from different cultures, we feel more inclined to mingle with people who speak our language and hail from the same cultural background.Although there is absolutely nothing wrong in interacting with people from similar domains (as there is a comfort factor involved) however the problem is, when we restrict ourselves to only that.This can be ideally be felt with Indians or for that matter Asians abroad. Many mingle only with their own communities and there is this reluctance to open up, reluctance to take the initiative and talk to the locals, reluctance to move out of their comfort zones.

IT IS A SMALL WORLD

A friend of mine called me last month over the phone and told me that he wanted a new job starting tomorrow. I said “ok, just go to sleep and everything will be allrigt by tomorrow and no, you really don’t have to see a doctor now .Its just the starting stages, maybe sleep would do”.Needless to say , he dint find that amusing at all. A few minutes in to the conversation, I realized that he was indeed troubled and his tone was getting increasingly desperate.

So I called upon the wiser, mature philosopher in me to respond to such a situation.Well after a lot of calling I realized that the wiser, mature,philosopher in me never actually existed..it was a mythical creature!(But the ever optimist in me would like to believe that he was down with fever). Ok...so we discussed about how recession and getting a new job does not exactly go hand in hand and that he should stick on to his present company (Which again, is an MNC ) and not give up so easily.He responds by asking me very politely to keep my advise to myself and instead channel all that energy in helping him find a solution to his problem. “k..dude..that is my solution..dont quit your job..unemployment is not a good state of mind” I seriously endorse that point of view on Unemployment ..and infact the problem with being unemployed is that everyday you wake up in the morning, you are on the job!

Well, 60 minutes in this conversation, I decided to do some root cause analysis..I asked him “Why do you want to leave your job”(Brilliant question isin’t it? Why on earth dint I ask this question an hour back ?)I got a very abrubt answer to that question to which he said something like”work pressure”.The famous thumb rule in a corporate environment states that when ever a man wants to quit his job desparately, its either a bad reporting manager or a broken love affair.On probing further I realized that, with him, it was a case of both ..his Ex is now his boss! Ouch !..Man that should be a bit tough.All my attempts at reasoning with him with statements like “need not mix professional life with personal life, If you run away now, you will have time only to do that” were treated with utter disdain and hatred. Even the common job sites agreed with me ,they were pulling out comparatively lesser jobs when we searched(This, after we were squeezing the life out the sites to spit out any jobs they had!)Its amazing what desperation can do, as, we even applied for a fashion designers job!(Well, absolutely nothing against fashion designers, its just that my friend’s job profile dosen’t have anything remotely connected with fashion).By this time, both of us had reached a consensus that quitting the job is the way to go and because of the sheer sincerity of our thought processes we were atlast able to find a job opening in a very reputable firm and managed to schedule an interview for my friend.Again, with his skillsets and experience he got through and today was his first day at the new office.Today evening I receive a call from him with the same desperation that he called last month and guess what , even his Ex changed jobs and she is now his new reporting manager in his new company ! Phew! It is a small world after all….

PS:-Well, Nothing connected with above post. Cigarette packs are supposed to look more dangerous from now on (with the mandatory regulations coming in)Me decided not to buy the packets, cigarettes alone would do.

MY SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION

Before you start to wonder what the heck does the title of this post signify; let me spare you the trouble of googling.”Six degrees of separation” is a concept that I came across in the internet a few months back and I was quite fascinated by it. Well what it states is “Anyone on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries.” To put it in more simpler terms, you name anybody in the whole wide world; we would connect to that person within a chain of 5 more people .The theory was actually formulated by some Hungarian and to prove this there was an experiment which was done in which, few individuals were selected randomly and they were asked to send a package to a complete stranger somewhere in the world . The senders were given the recipients name , occupation and general location. The senders were instructed to pass on the package to a person they knew on a first name basis who they thought was most likely, out of all their friends, to know the target personally. That person would do the same, and so on, until the package was personally delivered to its target recipient. Long story short ;The experiment was successful it only took (on average) between five and seven intermediaries to get each package delivered.

Well , its often said that nothing is fool proof for a sufficiently talented fool .I convinced(begged would be a more apt word) a few friends of mine to try this out. I selected the “target recipient” who is a native of Trivandrum (another friend of mine ) and also selected a few “random individuals “(also friends of mine, 3 in number ).Both the parties do not know each other and are complete strangers (perfect isint ?).Now the worst thing , to get a package which should be delivered to the target ; we bought 3 packs of “Cadbury Temptations “and gave all them the following info:-

1. Name of the target
2. Occupation
3. District

Now the senders were supposed to give this package to a person they knew pretty well who they thought was most likely, out of all their friends, to know the target personally.Well, the process started and and all I can say after 2 months is “the process has ended” and we don’t know where the packages are(somebody somewhere must have eaten it I guess!).

Moral of the sory :-An idle mind is a devil’s workshop.

WHITE TIGER

I was in two minds on writing a review on this book written by Aravind Adiga .This was mainly because I wasn’t too sure about whether I liked the book or not and more importantly It took me some time to have an opinion on this book.The author won the booker prize for the book in the year 2008 and had received mixed responses from readers. One section saying that it was anti-india and the other saying that the book was brilliantly written. To be honest, I brought this book to hate it(well , you cannot like or hate a book without reading it ,can you?)mainly because I hate these anti India , image bashing books/movies or anything remotely conveying the same.

The author, Aravind adiga, completed his school education in India and then emigrated to Australia for further studies and then going on to become a journalist of very good reputation. This is his first book and I have to say that the Adiga’s style of writing is intense, sarcastic and is hard hitting(infact cude)and I really liked his narrative .Having mentioned that, I did not like the content and feel that its just another attempt by an Indian writer to play to the gallery of the western audience.

The story is set in one of the Indian villages where the protagonist, Balram halwai takes us through his life . Infact the story is set as a series of letters being sent to the Chinese premier by Balram where he is telling us his entire story ;how he started off in a tea shop and then his rise as an entrepreneur in Bangalore.He even expresses his thoughts on the Indian caste system and the corruption in the political levels.

The book touches a lot of detail about the Indian society and I am not sure how Adiga manages to do that. For someone who has spent a major chunk of his life outside India, I am doubting the authenticity of the details/situations he has mentioned( admitted that all characters are fictious and blah blah ..but then still).Though I really like his style of writing, I have to say that whatever Adiga has written only reinforces the West’s idea of India. Maybe he was just trying to sell his book ! (And unfortunately I see another Slumdog millionare in the making.) For example, Adiga talks about Indian Gods and religions which many may find degrading.Sample this extract from the novel :- “I guess, Your Excellency, that I too should start off by kissing some god's arse. Which god's arse, though? There are so many choices. See, the Muslims have one god. The Christians have three gods. And we Hindus have 36,000,000 gods. Making a grand total of 36,000,0004 divine arses for me to choose from". The novel is filled with such takes on different aspects of Indian society.

Cultural and religious differences is what makes India .Somebody ought tell Mr.Adiga that even if he dosen’t think too much about those Gods, there are some many others who do! Women is this novel are limited only to mere objects of desire and left to be used for the obvious.

In one of his interviews I believe, Adiga has stated “At a time when India is going through great changes and, with China, is likely to inherit the world from the West, it is important that writers like me try to highlight the brutal injustices of society (Indian). That's what I'm trying to do -- it is not an attack on the country, it's about the greater process of self-examination.”

I classify the above mentioned as a marketing gimmick and nothing more than that.What self examination is he talking about? Infact in the book , the protagonist is a murderer and at the end becomes a successful entrepreneur. Is Adiga implying that to become a successful entrepreneur in India, one has to be crooked,sly,with no values and last but not the least, a murderer? I do not know what Azima premji, or Ratan Tata would have to say to that.Taking a moral high ground is easy but if he really means what he writes, then he should get down and start working for the same.

My honest review of the book is :- Read it because it won the booker prize and for the style of Adiga’s writing which is refreshingly new. But do not read it for the literary content.

NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA SIRJEE?

For all those people who think that they are lonely and feel that nobody in this planet cares whether they are alive, well I would say, think twice. Just try missing a bill payment for the month and you will realize that a lot of people do care about your existence! Infact they would care so much that you might get a bit overwhelmed by their love and affection over the phone.

I was a bit overwhelmed by the love and affection shown by “idea cellular” because my bills were overdue and had to be paid.So I decided that I cannot handle any more love and so went to the idea office in Vellayambalam ,Trivandrum to pay my bills.On reaching there, I also decided that since nobody was using that connection anymore, I might as well cancel it. So I asked the executive as to what is the procedure to cancel and this executive, well lets call her Vidya, told me that I cannot cancel here and that I had to go to one of their other outlets (In Sreekaryam) to get it done. I dint argue, and just went back .On the way back, I call up this idea manager (who has been calling me to pay the bill) telling him that I wanted to pay and then cancel and I was told by this executive that I cannot cancel in the Vellayambalam branch and that I had to go to the other branch .The manager was surprised and he immediately told me that You can cancel it in the Vellayambalam branch itself and that I needed to go back .

Ok, the fun starts when I get back to their office.Vidya is all heated up and and then has the audacity to create a scene there telling me that she never ever mentioned that I cannot cancel their connection in this outlet!! She even tried to gather crowd support there by telling the other executives and a few customers there that she never mentioned anything like that and that you cancel any idea post paid connections at their outlet. For a minute, I dint realize what hit me , I was at a loss of words to respond. I couldn’t believe that in a matter of 10 minutes, how can someone back track on what they said with so much of confidence?After some reciprocation from my end, I felt ridiculous at the way I was being treated and even more ridiculous at the conversation I was having with Vidya.I mean she was saying “No I never mentioned that at all” and I was saying “:Yes,you said that because if you dint, how would I know that Idea had an office at Sreekaryam?”After all this hassle. I finally managed to get my hands on the cancellation form, which I happily filled and settled the pending amount.

Well, I decided that I will send a feedback to the “Idea” team regarding my experience and sent in an email. They responded back in 24 hours . here’s their response:-

“Dear Mr. Rohit Krishnan,
Warm greetings from Idea cellular Kerala and thank you for writin g to us.

With reference to your mail, it indeed saddens us to part with this relationship. Mr. Rohit, since you are one of our valued subscribers, we would like to suggest you a few options to retain the number and continue our association

• You may transfer your connection to your friend or relative.
• You may convert the postpaid connection to Prepaid and retain the mobile number.

We have taken a note of your feedback regarding the intricacy you faced with our executive when you visited Trivandrum showroom . We are constantly updating the feedback received from our subscribers and using it for improving our service.We urge you not to form a lasting impression of our services based on your unfortunate experience”

Well, For all the hassle that I had to go through to cancel a connection, I may not be looking at any idea connections in the future. God made relatives, but Thank God that we can choose our Mobile connection providers!

ELECTIONS AND MANIFESTOS

Election time , that time of the year when your valuable vote makes a difference! Well Election days are on and are reminding us once again that we are living in a democratic country (Not that we needed any reminders anyways !). Good old democracy!

Media,and television,in particular has made dictatorship almost impossible but it has also made democracy unbearable at times . With all the campaigning going on and election manifesto’s released by different political parties, the one that caught my attention was Samajwadi party’s manifesto(albeit for the wrong reasons )

SP chief ,Mulayam Singh Yadav released his party’s manifesto last week which according to me (and hopefully many) shouldn’t have been allowed ;but then again,its democracy . http://elections.ndtv.com/news_story.aspx?ID=NEWEN20090090458&

Below mentioned are three main points of the party;s manifesto among others

1. The use of computers in offices is creating unemployment problems. Our party feels that if work can be done by a person using hands there is no need to deploy machines," Mulayam Singh said at a press conference after unveiling the manifesto.

2. The party is also against the use of agricultural machines and high corporate salaries.
"A harvesting season brings employment for the labour class for at least six months but these harvesters will snatch their earnings.”

3. The party's manifesto also mentions that it will work to abolish schools providing expensive education in English medium and provide free education for girls till graduation.

It would also be interesting to know the kind of education the sons/daughters of the SP leaders are undergoing /have already undergone .Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions,it only guarantees equality of opportunity. But I strongly feel , there should be conditions or parameters based on which atleast an election manifesto should be handled. If manifesto’s do not pass some kind of a quality check,those shouldn’t be allowed nor published.

VADA WITH VINODH

Vinodh and me met up today and we decided to stop by at a hotel to have a cup of tea and some vadas which happens to be his favorite snack .He never misses a chance or opportunity to eat vadas Infact he even considers eating vadas to be his birth right.So while we were waiting for the vada to be served,Vinodh as usual was giving me some gyan sessions ;he was telling me “Rohit ,as you say in engineering ,distance gives perspective “(For the life of me ,I couldn’t recollect anything of that sort being told in my 4 years of engineering ,but then I was seldom in classrooms when such valuable pieces of wisdom might have been shared ;anyways that’s another story altogether)Vinodh continued , “da , look at what you want to calculate from a distance and from different perspectives ,you will see that efficiency is directly proportional to optimal work load “He was basically answering my question on calculating workload and I was just wondering as to why wasn’t the vada arriving ;it was high time you know ..

The conversation some how got diverted to the economic crisis and the recession and both of us were off the opinion that nothing has changed much .I mean where is the recession?I still see theatres running to packed houses , jewellery shops still crowded , new cars being launched and cars being booked,Still see all shopping malls in Cochin buzzing with people and shopping happening (The newly launched Oberon mall is a prime example ).I still find it difficult to find parking space for my car during weekends .Levi’s registered a record number of sales for its brand of Jeans last month .Go to any Archie’s showroom , you will still see teenagers spending ,Exhibitions still finding takers .My friends in Bangalore say that the pubs are still crowded .So was anybody talking about the global credit crunch ?How long will it take to hit us (Not that I am desperate!)

Infact, it dint take long to hit both us though! Our wait ended and the guy served us vada and almost immediately, things started to fall in perspective (well, as you say in engineering, distance gives perspective!).Holes in the Vadas were larger, the chutney was thinner and sambhar looked and tasted more or less like colored water .When we asked the guy for a second serving of the chutney, the guy just stared at us .Infact the look on his face gave us his explanation; allow me to read out his mind “Respected sirs, please find a coconut tree, climb it, take the coconut and make the chutney yourself”
Anyways, the vada triggered our thought process at Godspeed and we concluded that recession is everywhere around us. Look at the number of layoffs at work , number of pink slips being given to employees , land prices coming down ,incentives and appraisals in most work places being stalled, interest rates being cut down ,the sales numbers of all the major car houses have taken a dip ,the “opportunities “section of “The Hindu” being limited to a page or two and even in those two pages they end up giving advises as to how to hold on to your job during the recession.

Anyways , we finished our tea and vadas and decided next time we come, we’ll have Masala dosas because at least you don’t have a hole in it.

FLASHBACK

An HR over the phone asked me today“How many years of employment have you completed?" Well a harmless question to say the least . I said “five and half “ and immediately after I said that , reality just sank in . Its been 5 and half years since I am working !!?(OK ,not that people stop working after 5 and half years ..but then still ..You know ..) Well , it just seems like yesterday when I passed out from college after attending quite a few supplementary exams (that will be another post ,”My experiences in writing supplementaries”). My employment years have been a true roller coaster ride and has been been nothing short of exciting (well I guess, you might need to define “exciting” a bit differently though). The companies that I worked for , the people that I have met , The various aspects of work, First day at office , processes that I studied from my colleagues ,last day at office , periods of uncertainty(which I absolutely hate , when you don’t know where you are heading ) , The different places that I have been .well when I began to type this post I dint think I would have much to write ..But now I think I would have to exercise restraint in order to not make this an epic.

My first job in Reliance InfoTech in Trivandrum which lasted for barely 10 days .I remember Pradeep Sir (Senior Manager) who used to take the time out to train me on the process.. Well For someone just out of college that was freedom unlimited.

I got a good break on my next job which was in Accenture, Bangalore .I still remember Keshav and his witty one liners. I remember Vandana for her guts to speak her mind and for her completely twisted philosophies (ehh..sorry Vandana ). I remember Venky for his sense of humor and for using the "F" word in almost every sentence that he spoke.I remember Arnab(still in touch) my roommate for the brother he was ,he is and hopefully will always be and also for having a crush on a girl every second day . I remember our Mysore road and vijayanagar days. I remember the frequency with which we used to visit brigade road just to make sure that none of the babes missed us! I remember Anna for his tongue in cheek humour,mostly making fun of himself and yet digging out a lesson to be learnt. I remember Avinash,who fell in love with Renu,and then decided it was actually Rekha who he loved and not Renu . He broke up with Renu and united with Rekha only to realize that she was not the woman in his life and that he had this huge crush on kavitha .I remember Lovely for her mischief and for her straight forwardness.I remember Suzanne for her bluntness when she asked me “Rohit , tell me , have you had sex ?” I remember Hari when he blasted the manager in a heated team meeting . I can never forget when he shouted at the manager saying “you know what , you are a F*****G mistake of the F*****G condom factory “That was hilarious and the look on the manager’s face was priceless.That was one of the most innovative abuses that I have heard for a long time .I remember dada for his always tensed look . I remember Chaitra for her looks , she was very cute .I remember Chaitali for her honesty and for her “don’t give a damn attitude”.I remember Manoj for his eagerness to check if he has received any emails from shaadi.com .I remember Vinodh for his daily dose of moral lessons(I used to love that )

I remember Anuj(Still in touch) for his imperious talent in connecting real life characters to the story lines of popular Malayalam movies and for his unmistakable sense of humor .I remember Deggi for his innocence and his anxiety to reach Ireland .I remember Anand(still in touch ) for his famous dialogues (infact there are a lot) like “valaree “ and “aaja meri bulbulll”I remember Harish for his spontaneous dialogues .I remember Jacob(still in touch) for his comic timing and his witty chalus .I remember Rajiv for his “koi cigarette pilado yaar” line and Anil for the days we spent in cochin together .I remember our cricket days and the loser treats the winner with lime soda (and it was religiously followed) I remember our north tea shop days and our days at infotips .I remember Asha for her simplicity and Cathy for scaring the daylights out of me when she used to tell me "Rohit , I can see your future in my vision". I remember Sharath for his cheerfullness and Mayesh for the way he hused to talk .I remember Biji (Still very much in touch) for his sheer willingness to learn and for his episodes with Asokan (name changed for security purposes) later on . I remember Antony(still very muc in touch) for his talent with females and for his sheer audacity in handling 5 or 6 at a time .I remember Mathew for his courage and for his drinking .I remember Thambi(still very much in touch ) for his innocence and for his talent in slipping and tripping .

Its turning out to be an epic I guess .I wanted to write so much more ..I think have to come back with a Flashback -part 2 ..